Blah

What is this about? I have failed. Miserably and irreparably – There can be nothing good now. The wait was futile and the want wasted. The tears flow again and all seems unnecessary and non-existent. I’m nothing. I’m gone. I will be lost and it won’t affect any. I will never know what to do when and will never know how to be where. I’m the idiot here and I’m the fool who deserves this. This is all my doing and now I am where I should be. In forgotten corner of everyone’s world that seems so perfect from my lonely end. I’m not trying to put on a façade of sorrow nor am I having a go at the losers. I am genuinely low and sad. And the self love takes a major blow again. It brings me down and keeps me low. The words hurt like those bites I got, but this is only about pain – no pleasure. You may think I got what I was here for. You misunderstand me. It’s now when I want everything back the way it was. But why do I have to go through this? It was so easy before. It’s so difficult now. I hate it. I hate where I am right now. They talk about it. They know about it. They make me understand it. They tried to. They shared their pain. I comforted with needless advice. Now I am there. Where they were – where many are – where many will fall.

Fallen? Ah. Fell. Pick me up. Pick me up. Help me. Will you? You won’t. You won’t because you’re not there. And since you’re not there, it’s all unreal. It’s just like the freakheaded illusion they told me of. I know now. And it’s so bad. Where do I go now? What goes comes around, they say. Fine, so maybe I deserved it. Avenging my mistake are you? You don’t have to do this at all. You don’t. You shouldn’t. You’ve been there, haven’t you?

I lost myself…

Not good…

Torn apart…why?

Why?

Sinking feeling…

Down…down…gone…