Lost

I'm really low. Like really, really really low. As low as you can fall and slither. I've hit bottom with the sickening thud you can play in your head. Down and out and broken. I'm lonely, I'm hungry, I'm angry and I'm just not me. I don't know. I never do. Or maybe this is me. A very miserable me. I always manage to feel like this every time. And without cause too. Funny. Real stupid. I don't think too well of myself. I guess that's it. Froog, I'm so full of shit. I'm nobody. You should not be with me and you should not be there for me. I don't deserve your generosity. I don't deserve anything good from you. But then there is also a question regarding you. Are you worthy of my dependence? Maybe the fault lies in you. Maybe I should keep away from you because of the crushed influence you have on me. Maybe.

Don't walk all over me. I'm a nice guy. Too nice. I see. I'm dumb and I need to grow up. I never have much to say and I never am up to anything interesting. I never am good to anyone and I never am good. I suck as an individual and people like me should be forgotten and let loose. Go away. Don't ever come back. Get lost.Froog off.

I'm slow. Today was a sad day. I'm not sure what I lost. I think I lost myself. I should write a song. That would without doubt end up being the saddest song. And I thought I'd already been there. It's just that I pictured it would all be okay. I wasn't expecting this. I wasn't aware that it could go wrong and that there would be a limit. An end point.

And here is my favourite sad song. I wrote it in May. I love the way I pour it all out lyrically.

The song has been removed due to copyright issues.

I never wanted to paste this song here. It was really special to me and its kinda personal as well. But can't help it. I feel so, so, so lonely. Actually, I am alone. I deserted everyone I knew thinking I won't be needing them. And what do you know; I crave for them now. Too late for redemption now. Its gone. They've gone and the reason I did all this has been defeated too. What a life. What strife. Cuts like a knife. Yeah, but it so doesn't feel right.

Even this is not working. I wonder what will. Some angel will, when my stars will shine brighter and when I will feel better. I hate this phase. The past month has been dry and slow and lazy and dull. Its changed and its not the way I wanted them to be. I have to make certain decisions now and feel confident and strong about them. I've not got the stuff going on for me anymore. It's a bit differentand a lot more difficult. I thought I was strong and will be all okay. Forever. But no. Shit happens and happens in phases. Comes and splashes it all over you and hides - and waits for the next time. Even music is failing in its task.

Its upto me now. I'm alone and I'm by myself. No one can help and no one really bothers. Its a mean, wicked world and your supposedly loved ones don't really give a damn. Hang on until they need you and then a little pat on the back - you're on your own after that.

Family is very important. A man who cannot spend time with his family can never be a real man. Its very much true. I feel good when I'm with them - even though I was almost sacrificing them for certain issues. Its been hard for me, because I always made it easier for you. But I'm not too strong. Not strong. I thought I was. Oh, well.

Sometimes I wish I could just crawl away.